I’m a big writer of to-do lists of various forms. Things I need to do, things I should do, things I would like to do but honestly don’t matter, all the things go into lists for the day, the week, the month, the bucket list, the life goals, the whatever. I have lists of books to read and shows to watch, lists of what I need to do for various neglected projects, lists of recipes to try, software to try, hobbies to try. There are a lot of things that would be nice to do in a life.

While I was talking to my dog today about the things I had planned for the afternoon I struggled to find a word to describe the day’s chores. None of them were things I needed to do. If they weren’t done nothing bad would happen. If I slept for a week and did them next Monday things would be no different, just shifted seven days. At the same time, if I never do them things will eventually fall apart. I didn’t need to go buy new light bulbs today, but if I never did I would eventually be cooking in the dark, which is bad.

But saying that they were things I should do didn’t seem right either. There are lots of things I should do, like write consistently, that I don’t do. Often these things make me feel better when I do them (thus why I should), but nothing really bad happens if I don’t (thus why I don’t need to). And to say that I want to do these things isn’t right either, because really all I want to do right now is read books and play video games.

I struggled to grasp a word stronger than should but weaker than need. There’s a concept in the middle there where I should do something so it doesn’t become a need later. I’m attempting to get ahead of things while I have time, making sure to avoid later stress.

Eventually I looked at a thesaurus and settled on a word with a different vibe that still worked for me: I had a list of things that I shall do today.

thou shalt do stuff

It may be my Catholic upbringing, but the word shall has an energy to it that captures that near-need I have for these tasks well. To say “I’m going to clean the kitchen” is functionally the same, but “I shall clean the kitchen” brings more clarity to the importance. I should clean the kitchen, sure, but I don’t need to do so, I can get by fine today even if I don’t, but if I don’t it’s going to be very problematic in a couple of days, therefore I shall.

At the same time, and this may also be my Catholic upbringing, the word shall had a bit more leniency and forgiveness built in to it than the word need. If I don’t clean the kitchen it’s not great, I’m one step closer to an actual problem, but it may be a forgivable transgression. I should reflect on why I didn’t do it and take steps to avoid that failure again, but it could be worse.

If I need to do something and don’t, it’s immediately problematic; if I should do something and don’t, it’s one of a long list; but if I shall do something and don’t then I’ve broken a covenant of sorts. It’s beyond simply not getting through the to-do list, it’s something that needs further action.

thou shalt not… not

Sometimes I’ll write a few things down to avoid doing. Maybe I’ll write “DON’T SLEEP IN DUMBASS” to remind myself that I actually need to get up on time, or maybe I’ll write “STOP PROCRASTINATING ON THE GOD DAMN STORY” when I’ve had a piece stuck at 90% done for a while. This is effective at sticking the ideas in my mind, as anger and frustration cut through the haze of depression and anxiety quite effectively, but they aren’t exactly motivating. I know I should finish my writing, I know I should get out of bed, but, quite frankly, I don’t like being yelled at so it creates as much resistance as it dissipates.

There is a nicer way to word this, of course: I will wake up with my alarm. I will work on my story today. I will avoid the negative self-talk, as it tends to be counterproductive, and I will make positive statements about my plans for the day.

These sorts of affirmative statements tend to work better, but they don’t stick in my head very well. They feel like should statements to me: I shouldn’t eat that donut, I should eat healthier, or more precisely I should snack on veggies and fruit, but also I feel crappy and want a donut, so why not?

The word change to shall makes that a bit more effective: I shall eat vegetables and fruit for snacks. Or even taking another step back, I shall eat only healthy foods. Less precise statements like this feel fuzzy with other wording, but stated like this it feels almost like a commandment. It isn’t a nice-to-have, it’s the way I’m trying to live my life. The significance of a single word with no functional difference feels much better.

shall i elaborate?

There are odd subtleties in the English language and in the ways my brain processes words that push me to odd solutions like this.

Formality of words is a concept that isn’t considered all that often in English. There isn’t a whole separate “formal you” like there is in French, there aren’t varying ways to say “Mister” depending on your relationship to a person like in Japanese. For the most part formality comes down to avoiding contractions, using full sentences, and using more sophisticated transitional words.

But formality is still something that comes into play now and then. “I am going to buy groceries” is the typical way to make the statement, and no one would bat an eye at it. It’s sort of formal grammatically but the wording is casual, and it’s unusual for us to use anything other that casual language in day-to-day English speech. But there are more formal ways to put it, for example: “I shall buy groceries.” It’s the same meaning, but the use of the word “shall” adds a seriousness to it that the original statement lacks. It’s a little awkward, even, too serious for the statement, to the point that you can almost interpret it as parody.

This points to the next subtlety that makes this work for me: the unfamiliarity of the phrase “I shall.” It doesn’t come up in my typical vocabulary, at least in this context or with this regularity, and that makes it a tad awkward. It forces me to re-evaluate the statement made to a certain extent.

“I’m going to get groceries later” is a normal thing to do, a normal thing to say, and it’s just kind of there. It’s a task to check off at some point, no thought necessary. “I shall buy groceries today” has an odd punch to it. It’s commanding in a way that I want to question. Really? Shall I? The answer is presumably yes, and if it’s not then I have to justify it to myself. To say that I’m not going to get groceries is one thing, but to say that I shall not get groceries is a whole other level of rejection that my brain needs to work through.

That comes down to the force of the word. Shall is a verb with more “oomph” to it than a lot of other options. It’s used in contexts where we want to show some amount of inevitability for a future event, to set expectations strongly, but also in cases where we want to be a bit more polite (“shall we?”). It’s a word that warrants more consideration than many alternatives, both because of the force of its demands but also because of the typical context that we use it in.

At the same time, even when used in its strongest sense, it allows for its opposite. You shall not starts a number of Christianity’s Ten Commandments, restricting behaviour in some cases. The question “shall we?” can be easily answered with “no” if the situation demands it. To make an “I need” statement and not fulfil it is a failure with implications, but to make an “I shall” statement and not fulfil it is a more simple failure of intent.

i shall end this i think

This was a bit of a ramble. Yeesh.

This whole shall thing is a concept that doesn’t even make it into any sort of concrete list, it’s just something that I’ve managed to stick in my head. When my to-do list says “dishes” my brain reads “I shall do the dishes today.” And weirdly enough, that’s enough that I don’t usually end up with “dishes” on the list for multiple days. That’s good enough for me.